Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
