Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
