Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
