I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
