piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
