I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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