He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
