I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
