gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
