hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
