Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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