There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I use my feet as sexual weapons
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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