just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
