I think i peed on brittanys purse
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
