Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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