Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
