Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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