I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
His hands were made for my vagina.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
its liver damage thursday
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
