I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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