I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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