what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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