Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
bring money and cleavage
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
