Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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