Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
