dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
