If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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