the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
