Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We don't watch enough power rangers
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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