Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
