Have you finally orgasmed yet?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
