ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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