she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
