I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
no you cant smoke seaweed
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
