Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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