I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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