so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He felt like a one man threesome
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
tell me about the fingering
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