Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I need a beard to bite.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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