Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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