She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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