I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Did you just see the Batmobile???
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
