I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We had to coat check the pizza.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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