u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
