She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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