I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
