I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize