and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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