Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
