I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
