omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Dicks are not precious.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
