i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize