Where are you?
In a non slutty way
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
