you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
