Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
