my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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