the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
