he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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