it wasn't lemon gatorade
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
pray to the hookup gods
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
