I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
