Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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