I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
