Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize