come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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