Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
