new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
