So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
