that's an acceptable place to lick
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
