goodnight i made you a song goodbye
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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