I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
