How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize