dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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