ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
