i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
